Hardware Failure: Victory Declared Too Soon
Looking at possible options since I really don't like the idea of having to mail the thing back (and have a chance at a no-return.) Still, if there's no other options...
Edit: After a little gymnastics, swearing, burning incense I think I found the problem. Of course I thought I found it yesterday and for awhile wifi wouldn't come up at all, or if it did it would only be for a couple minutes before konking out on me. I guess I should wait and hope.
In the meantime I'm making a backup of the bios and downloading the generic... not installing mind you. Just downloading. Instructions I'm using can be found here.